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It was three years ago and he had just come back from a day shopping with his dad. I didn’t know what he might have come in contact with while he was out and I knew that if he touched me, I’d have had to get into the shower, scrub myself from top to bottom and wash all my clothes. The condition has seen me scrub my hands up to 50 times a day, get up at 4am to clean the house and throw out new clothes and a tumble dryer for fear they are contaminated.Bouncing through the door, he moved towards me with a big smile and open arms, ready to give his mum a hug. It’s an irrational but all-consuming condition that takes over your life.I love Martin to bits and would never do anything to hurt him, but looking back I can see I put him through hell.It’s not just the person who has OCD who is affected — it’s everyone around them and I feel very guilty about that.She even became convinced she could smell the creosote in the tumble dryer, so she insisted on dragging it out of the house into the garden. By the time I got back home, Sarah had worked herself up into a state of utter exhaustion.When I walked into the house, Sarah was on hands and knees smelling my trousers. She wouldn’t let me in until I had taken my trousers off in my own front garden.It’s a huge strain on our marriage, but he never stopped supporting me.
Waking up knowing each day that you have to get through endless rituals is a form of torture — and one that affects not just you, but everyone around you.I know I’ve been a good mum, but the boys have had to look after me, too.As a young boy, James used to say: ‘Don’t feed the tiger, Mum,’ which is the phrase doctors use to describe not giving in to your obsessions.A t that stage he didn’t understand the extent of my fears.I was too ashamed to tell my friends how I was feeling, I was exhausted and terrified every day. As a child, I always worried things would happen to my family.
It was awful to witness my wife in such a deranged state and both my mother and I were in shock. She phoned the hospital and was considered a serious enough case to have weekly therapy.